A lot has happened since the last post. In January 2009, I went to Chiang Mai, Thailand and worked at The Well Member Care Center. http://www.thewellcm.com/ It was an awesome experience of being able to provide services to missionaries from various countries, who were also serving in various countries.



After 4 months of feeling I had found a place to fulfill my call, I have come bak to the states to raise support to return full time. Of course, the date of return will depend upon when the support comes in, but I am hoping to return by mid-November.



The return to the states has been no different for me than for other missionaries. Yes, I have written about re-entry and counseled other missionaries about it, but that did not shield me from having the same types of struggles that others do.



My struggles started before I ever left Chiang Mai. Struggles such as what if I get back to the states and the things that I missed will have such a pull on me that I won't want to return? It even got to the point of confusion as to what I felt God had said, which was to return to Chiang Mai full time. Fortunately, I was reading the book, "Sacred Rhythms," which had a chapter in it about discernment. The following questions are given to help us discern God's will:

• Does my choice enable me to live out my calling?


• Which choice brings the deepest sense of life, inner peace and freedom?


• Has God given scriptures?


• Is the choice consistent with the mind of Christ, His heart to serve His redemptive purposes?


• How will this decision nurture the fruit of the spirit in me? What is God doing in my character and spiritual growth? Will this choice nurture this growth?


• On my deathbed, which choice would I wish I had made? Does it reflect eternal value?


• How does this choice fit with who I am and what God is doing in my life?


• How do I want to live so I can be who I want to be?

After answering these questions, I felt the answers confirmed that I was to return to Thailand full time. Almost immediately afterwards, the confirmations began to come from people that had no idea that I was struggling with this. When I returned, I found that the things that I had missed didn't have the pull on me as I had feared. However, God was not finished with me.

Part of my time in Chiang Mai was spent in providing member care services for missionaries. This included counseling, debriefing, and cross-cultural assessments. Another aspect of my time there was the development of a deeper intimacy with Jesus, which I had longed for. This came through various prayer retreats and especially by spending a lot of time with the Lord, often just sitting quietly or experiencing Him in His creation.

The other aspect about my time in Chiang Mai was God's ongoing refining work that will not stop until we meet Jesus face to face. So, once I returned to the states, God used the re-entry stresses to bring more refining and healing into areas of my life. Yes, that has been a painful process, but I now feel like I've walked through a valley of darkness and can say that I am standing in the green pastures where the sun is shining brightly.

These "valleys of darkness" are a part of our Christian life. However, it seems that life on the mission field, and even returning from there, causes the darkness at times to be overwhelming. So, what do we do as missionaries when these times come?

For me, the healing came as I came into the presence of the Lord. I took the pain of what I was feeling and found God right there in the midst of it. He wanted me to find myself resting in the palm of His hands, as Isaiah 62:3 in the Message Bible says. He even gave me a picture of this. http://www.billreshetarphoto.com/Images/bih2.jpg It has been in that place of allowing Him to hold me in His hands that I have been able to walk out of that valley of darkness into His marvelous light. Selah...